


How Life Changes

by madd09



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Best Friends, Domestic Fluff, Family, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Phandom Big Bang, Phandom Big Bang 2017, There will be a dog, UNCLE - Freeform, phils pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2017-12-30
Packaged: 2019-02-23 23:05:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13200483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madd09/pseuds/madd09
Summary: Phil had no idea how much his life was going to change when Cornelia and Martyn announced they were expecting and how it would end up being a catalyst for him and Dan,





	How Life Changes

**Author's Note:**

> This is my phandom big bang there is amazing amazing art to go with this which I will link as soon as it is posted. This is late I know but hey at least it is still 2017. What can I saw this was meant to be ten thousand words of fluff and it got away from me just as my life got supper busy.   
> The amazing art is by shibehxwell on tumblr  
> and my amazing beta was shootposting on tumblr

“Dan are you dressed or still laying on your bed in a towel,” I yelled out. 

“I got boxers on,” Dan yelled back, causing me to roll my eyes. That meant he was getting dressed, but then stopped to go on his phone. 

“Cornelia and Martyn are going to be here in a matter of minutes! Chuck some clothes on and get off your phone.” He wasn't gonna get away with just throwing on some clothes once they knocked on the door. 

I knew I was going to have to go upstairs to make sure he was actually moving anyway. 

“You haven't even attempted to move have you!” I really let the judgement seep through in my voice as I leant on the doorframe. 

“I tried! I just can't decide what to wear.” Dan defended. 

“Uh huh. That's why you look so comfortable.” I really doubt he had even looked for an outfit. 

“I'm just taking a quick break.” I shook my head. Only Dan would need a break from getting dressed. 

“Dan, it's just Martyn and Cornelia. We are having a merch meeting. We aren't even leaving the apartment. Throw on a black shirt and your black jeans. Let's go now or I'm turning the WiFi off.” I threatened.

I stared him down as he got up and grabbed one of his many black shirts, shrugging it on then struggling into black skinnies. 

Just as he finished there was a knock on the door, signalling Martyn and Cornelia had arrived. 

“See? Why were you stressing, I was ready in time.” Dan gloated as we headed downstairs to get the door. 

“Only ‘cause I came up and made you get ready,” I muttered. There was no way he would have been ready if I hadn't of harassed him. 

“What was that?” Questioned Dan with a smile. 

“Nothing,” I replied knowing he would have heard me the first time. 

Luckily we had reached the door at this point. 

 

We both greeted Martyn and Cornelia then made our way to the lounge, catching up on how we've been in the few days since we had last seen each other.

I began speaking “So, thanks to Daniel's rebrand here we were thinking we needed to add some new merch items.” Dan rolled his eyes at my calling him Daniel. He was quite over me bringing up the rebrand at every chance. But I still had months of joke material.

I continued on “It was time for some new designs. We don’t want to get rid of some of the old ones but we should include more options with curly hair.” The fans weren’t exactly being quiet about wanting the merch to change, especially after the limited convention shirts had included his curly hair.

“We figured that would be what you guys would want we thought maybe a few of the designs that we do want to get rid of we can do a last chance sale which will probably spike sales which is always great,” Martyn suggested which was why he ran the store for us.

Dan and I both nodded in agreement. We would need to discuss more what we would be replacing, but we liked the idea.

“We actually have a shirt design we came up with that we are both really happy with, but, you have to close your eyes first.” Dan and I shared a look of confusion after Cornelia had finished talking. 

Both her and Martyn seemed too excited about whatever design they had come up with. Which was great but incredibly bizarre. They’ve never come to us with designs, mainly only offered advice.   
If they’re so excited to show us, it must be a good design. So Dan and I shrugged and closed our eyes.  
I felt the shirt be laid on my lap and I waited for permission to open my eyes.

I could hear Martyn and Cornelia murmuring among themselves and I felt any hesitation leave as I was filled with a sense of anticipation. I waited eagerly to find out what design could have them both so excited. 

Finally, they said we could open our eyes. I looked down at the shirt in my lap, and at first, I was filled with confusion and wondered what the shirt in my lap had to do with our brand and why they would want this as merch.

Then it clicked. My heart stopped for a second before I was filled with the biggest sense of joy finally understanding what the shirt said.

“This is what an awesome uncle looks like.”

 

Tears started to appear in my eyes as I looked up at Martyn and Cornelia, who both looked as emotional as I felt. I glanced over at Dan and saw that his shirt said the same thing.

“You’re really- I mean this- but am I- are you sure, really?” My question came out in a jumble of words that I hoped made sense.

“I’m pregnant if that's what you are asking. I'm six weeks along.” Cornelia was beaming and Martyn was looking at her with utter love. I was so happy for them. I didn’t even know they were trying!

“Was it a surprise?” I couldn’t help but ask I could hear Dan snort at my lack of tact.

“In a way... We weren’t actively trying but we weren't avoiding it either. We left it up to fate and fate decided we should have one now.” Martyn explained. I jumped up and pulled them both into a hug.

When I released them I stumbled back to see Dan was still staring at his shirt in shock. He definitely had tears in the corner of his eyes. 

“Dan...” Cornelia prompted.

“You... You want me to be the baby's uncle... But I’m not even your brother?” Dan asked. You could tell he was completely shocked by the gesture and didn’t think he deserved it.

“Maybe not by blood but you are family. We would be so happy if you would be the baby's uncle.” Martyn said and those words were the last straw, and tears to fall from Dan’s eyes.

Dan pulled us all of us into a hug, murmuring that he would be honoured.

Cornelia was crying at this point as well and Martyn and I were both emotional as well. The four of us had become a very close unit over the years but especially after the tour. Even though we had shared some amazing moments over the years this was the best moment yet.

 

I was going to be an uncle. I was actually going to have a little human in my life who was going to hopefully look up at me and be proud of having me as their uncle. A little human who I was going to get to teach how to play video games, and feed them all sorts of junk food, and then at the end of the day send them home to Martyn and Cornelia. I was honestly going to be wearing the t-shirt they gave me as often as possible.

I was so proud of my big brother. I know he had always wanted to be a father, and he was going to be an amazing one at that. He could not have found a better person to have a child with then Cornelia.She was one of the most amazing women I have ever met. She’s perfect for Martyn; and the two of them were going to have the most adorable, precious, child.

“Can you believe we are going to be uncles?” I questioned Dan excitedly.

“I still haven’t processed the whole thing. Martyn and Cornelia are going to be parents, Cornelia is pregnant like... Cornelia is currently growing a human being inside her. And somehow they don’t think I’m a screw-up and they love me enough to want me to be in their child’s life.” It wouldn't be Dan if he wasn’t completely freaked out by something as exciting as becoming an uncle.

“I know, I’m processing it still as well. But it’s so exciting! Besides, it’s like Martyn and Cornelia said, you’re my family, to me and to the rest of my relatives. So, of course, you are going to be the baby's uncle! And anyway, it would be weird if you weren’t.” I honestly wasn’t surprised at Martyn and Cornelia's decision to include Dan at all.

“But I’m a terrible person to be an Uncle! Like, you’re going to be a great Uncle. Me? I'm probably going to be responsible for ‘Fuck’ being the baby's first word.” I laughed just imagining Cornelia beating Dan up if that truly was the baby’s first word.

“It’s not funny! You know I can’t help myself. It’s going to be terrible.” Dan said, hitting me on the arm.

“It’s not going to be terrible. I’m sure you will learn not to swear in front of the baby. I mean, you do quite well not swearing in front of your grandmother.” It was funny to hear him stutter and stumble over words when he went to swear in front of his grandmother.

The conversation ended naturally there, and I knew with Dan nothing I could say would change his mind. I had shown I believed in him, the rest he would work out himself.

“Did you know the baby is the size of a sweat pea at the moment and will double in size by next week?” I randomly blurted out to Dan whilst watching an anime. I had been looking up pregnancy facts on my phone the whole time.

“I did not know that, but I guess it would explain why she isn’t showing yet,” Dan replied back, distracted. He was paying more attention to the anime.

“She probably won't start showing till she is 4 months along she is only 1 and a ½ so far,” I explained to Dan; it was another fact I had come across in my readings.

“I wonder if they are going to find out the sex of the baby. Apparently, they can from 16 weeks.” I pondered to Dan a week later.

“Why don’t you text them and ask?” Dismissed Dan.

“Did you know that 1 in 2000 babies are apparently born with teeth?” I started to Dan one afternoon.

“No I didn’t but why do either of us need to know that.” He replied back bored.

“The baby already has a heartbeat,” I told Dan when we were sitting down to film a gaming video. This stuff was fascinating.

“Phil, I don’t even want to see what your google search history looks like at the moment. But we need to start this Sims video.” Dan said, trying to draw my attention back to the what we needed to do.

Two weeks after Martyn and Cornelia had made their announcement, Cornelia was 8 weeks pregnant. Martyn had been complaining about how the baby was making Cornelia throw up several times a day, proving that morning sickness was not just in the morning.

And the pregnancy books I had ordered from Amazon had arrived. Which allowed me to throw even more facts at Dan only for him to not care about. However, Cornelia appreciated the information I found. We were bonding over the different things we had read.

Dan came downstairs one morning to find me drinking coffee and pouring over a book titled “What To Expect When You Are Expecting”.

“Phil, is there something you want to tell me? You know I'll be here for you if you’re pregnant.” Dan teased, plopping down beside me.

“Shut up! You know I’m reading this because of Cornelia.” I defended.

“Yes that's right Cornelia is forcing you to read this and you haven’t been voluntarily looking up all information about pregnancy since you find out they were expecting. I think you are getting clucky Phil. You are getting old, you know, it’s understandable if your body clock is ticking. It knows in a few years you are going to be middle-aged and just too old.” Dan teased.

I threw a pillow at his head in response. “I’m thirty not forty-five Dan! And I’m not clucky, I just want to know what's going on with my future niece or nephew. And I want to be there for my sister in law.” Dan’s talk of “body clocks ticking”always made it sound like I was at least ten years older than him, especially since I hit thirty and he was still in his twenties. He did it just to hear me get defensive.

“I don’t know Phil... I think you are getting clucky.” Dan repeated.

“I’m not clucky! That would mean I wanted a child of my own, and I couldn't look after my own child. I am not ready for that.” I was still killing houseplants. Which was another reason I was doing so much more research. I wanted to be able to look after my little niece or nephew. 

“That is why I am so terrified of being an uncle, like, what if they want me to babysit? Phil, I can’t look after a baby either!” Dan said sounding utterly terrified.

“Why do you think I am researching like crazy? We are definitely going to have to baby proof this apartment. I’ve been reading up on that too, I mean, we won’t have to do it for ages yet but it is certainly something we will have to consider. Especially when the baby starts to get mobile.” We had way too much little stuff just laying around this house.

“Well, I’m sure you will take care of that,” Dan commented passing the chore off.

“It’s going to be your niece or nephew as well.” I tried to guilt him.

“And I want it to be looked after properly, and you have done all the research. So you will be the best for the job.” His logic reasoning was why I ended up doing more than my fair share of chores in this house.

“Dan look at this stuffed lion,” I said turning the computer to show him the screen. 

“You’re going to replace lion?” Dan asked, confused. 

“No look these are for babies. I was thinking of ordering one as a gift for the baby.” It would be very fitting. 

“Phil the baby is fourteen weeks if you start buying the baby presents now it's going to have way too much by the time it's born.” Dan lectured. 

“But Dan it’s perfect.” I pouted. 

“Fine. But you need to promise that you aren't going to go crazy buying things.”

“Dan, I can't make promises like that.” Self-control was not my forte. 

I did manage to not go completely and utterly crazy, but I did find myself looking at baby toys and clothes occasionally. And they may have ended up in my cart. Granted, it wasn't like I was going to give it all to Martyn and Cornelia. 

The baby would need stuff when it visited us, and this would save them have to always drag stuff between our house and theirs. 

Besides suddenly finding myself on baby websites, I always found my YouTube searches changing. Instead of mainly watching animal videos I had found myself watching a surplus of family vloggers. 

I had always watched Louise and her videos with Darcy. And occasionally the SacconeJolys. I had gotten into watching BitsandClips through Louise and it seemed the more family vloggers I watched the more that was suggested. I had recently gotten into the Shaytards, dailyBumps and was finding new channels every day. I was being sucked into the family vlogging section of YouTube. 

And I was spending a good chunk of YouTube time watching them. 

The content on my Channel and the gaming channel hadn't changed of course. But I'll admit I had thought of doing a baby haul just to show some of the weird baby toys I had bought. 

But I figured I had to wait until Cornelia had at least announced on her Twitter she was pregnant, so it was more public news so people didn't start rumours and assume I was having a child… Again. 

But I was certain I would need to do a Day in the Life of Dan and Phil the first time we looked after the baby. Because I'm sure that would be hilarious, especially the clips of Dan and the baby based on how he was acting now. 

I wasn't completely taken over by baby thoughts, even if that was what Dan thought. I just wanted to be a good uncle. 

“What are we getting Cornelia and Martyn for the baby shower?” Dan questioned one morning. 

“Why do you think I know what we are getting them?” I had already bought a present from the registry but I would tease him first. 

“Because you've done all the research, and we have to get them the best present. I figured you would pick it out. I would then, of course, wrap it so it looked actually presentable because well we know you have no wrapping skills whatsoever.” Of course, he would turn a baby shower into a matter of pride, I mean, who cares who gave the best present or how it was wrapped. 

“We got them the pram they wanted I figured it was a necessity and we could afford it. It's on its way already.” I was actually surprised at how much a pram cost. How much all baby things cost. I understood why they had put the pram and car seat and everything else on the registry, as they were doing the whole nursery furniture themselves and that was gonna cost a pretty penny. 

“I can't believe they aren't finding out what the kid’s sex is, I would want to know.” That was a baby related topic he actually did want to discuss. He was annoyed they were leaving him in suspense. Because they didn't want to find out. 

“I think it's great they aren't finding out, I mean what better surprise is there in life? At the end of the day, all that matters is the baby is born healthy. Whether or not it's a boy or a girl is just going to be a bonus exciting surprise. Why do you care so much?” I argued back; I was completely for them not finding out.

“Because! I don't like suspense like sure, I understand the gender doesn't matter and I don't care because I don’t want to go and buy a bunch of blue or pink things because I won't force gender roles but I just want to know now.” He was actually pouting at having to wait. 

“It's two more months-ish, Dan. You can last. You've lasted seven.” I pointed out. 

“Technically five and a half. They were already six weeks along when we found out.” Dan pointed out cheekily. 

“Okay, we've waited five and a half months.” I agreed. 

“It's their child so I have no say. But I will totally be finding out with my child.” Of course, he would. 

“You would spoil yourself from having the best surprise in life and are you getting clucky Dan are you thinking about having a child.” I teased. 

“In the future. See, I'm not as old as you so I don't have to rush. I have time.” He teased back. 

“I may be too old to even bother, I may have missed my chance.” I joked going along with Dan’s overused joke. 

“You’ll probably just have to settle for being an uncle.” 

I had my phone with me constantly as Cornelia's due date approached. I wanted to make sure I didn't miss a text. My parents were down staying with Martyn and Cornelia in the lead up as well, so they had support already with them. 

And I wasn't planning on being in the waiting room or anything but I wanted to meet my niece or nephew as soon as possible whenever they decided to enter the world. 

It was funny I could tell Dan didn't like the anticipation of the due date not necessarily being the due date and not having an exact guarantee on when the baby was coming. 

I guess it was harder to freak out about a deadline when you didn't know when the deadline was. 

And he was certainly freaking out over becoming an uncle. He had taken to hiding in his bedroom and I knew that it was the baby that was on his mind. 

“Hey, Dan I have pizza,” I said, gently knocking on his door frame, trying to coax him out of his room. 

“What kind?” He mumbled back from where he was laying in his bed browsing the internet. 

“Your favourite. You want to come grab some?” I invited. 

He shrugged but closed the lid on his laptop and made his way out of the room all the same. 

I asked him about his Tumblr binge and coaxed him into a conversation about the anime we had watched this morning. 

I allowed him a chance to relax before I dived in. Finally, though I asked the question that had been on my mind for a few months now. 

“You know you could have said no to Martyn and Cornelia if you didn't want to be the baby’s uncle they would have understood. While you are family in our hearts, technically you aren't so you could get away with just being Dan not Uncle Dan.” I tried to phrase it as gently as possible but didn't think I succeeded. 

“I want to be the baby’s uncle though. I'm honoured they are letting me when they didn't have to.” Dan replied hesitantly. 

“But If it's not that then what is it?” I asked. 

“Your family is amazing Phil! You are all so close and family is so different for you than it is for me. You have this big extended family. You do family gatherings. My family it's just us we don't do things like your family, we prefer to keep it smaller. And I've never been around a baby in any long-term kind of capacity even as just an uncle. I don't know how to be an uncle and I don't want this to be another “Reasons Why Dan’s a Fail”. But it's not something I can practice, I don't have control over any of this! Either I'm going to be a good uncle or a bad uncle and I won't know till fifteen years down the line when baby either needs fucking therapy because of me or doesn’t!” Once Dan started I could tell he just needed to get out what had been on his mind for a while. 

“Dan,” I started, my voice soft “no one knows if they are going to be good with kids until they’re given a chance. Our parents will be the first to tell us they made mistakes with us. And Martyn and Cornelia will make mistakes as parents as well. That's life. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure we will both make mistakes when we look after the baby. But as long as we love the baby and learn from our mistakes, everything will be okay.” I reassured, although I knew the words wouldn't offer him much comfort. Dan would only find comfort once he started to look after the baby and realised he wasn't a total fail and he could manage. 

“I won't be alone either, right? I'll have you to help me work out how to be an uncle?” Dan questioned quietly. 

“Of course! Who else is going to keep an eye on me to make sure I don't drop the baby?” I was joking but I'll admit it was something I was slightly worried about. 

“Yeah we can't leave you alone with a baby that could be dangerous we will just have to always babysit together.” Dan decided. 

“It would be the safest thing.” I agreed. 

The wait for the baby was worse than the wait for any Birthday or Christmas. Especially since I had gotten a text from mum six hours earlier that Cornelia was in early labour. 

Apparently, she was still in labour and they had just been admired to the hospital. It was 11 pm and I knew labour could take hours, but how I was expected to just go to sleep as my baby niece or nephew could possibly be being born?

Instead of sleep, I was pacing. 

“Hey I thought pacing was my thing.” Teased Dan. 

“It is, but I can't sleep and was feeling restless,” I responded distractedly still pacing. 

“Phil, Cornelia could still be in labour ‘till at least lunch time tomorrow. If you stay awake until then think how terrible you will look in pictures of you holding the baby.” 

“I can't sleep though! I'm too excited, and she may have the baby twelve hours from now or two hours, who's to say and I would miss the announcement if I was asleep. I can’t miss that!” I argued back. 

“Alright! Fine. I'll compromise. we’ll both put our phones on max volume and lay down on your bed and watch something. That way at least you’re resting. And if you do happen to fall asleep we will have both our phones on loud so we won't possibly miss a phone call.” Dan rationed and I wanted to argue that I knew what he was doing, but logic knowing he was right and the promise of resting, but still watching something would be better than pacing. On the small chance I did fall asleep he was right, with both our phones on it meant double the chance of hearing them ring so one of us would wake up. 

I settled in next to Dan in my bed and we picked off where we were in the latest anime we were watching.

Eventually, after a few episodes, I found myself drifting off, my eyes growing heavy. Deciding not to fight it, I closed my eyes.

“BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP”

I rolled over reaching for my phone, grumbling why someone was calling me so early. 

“Phil, shut that up.” Moaned Dan. 

I blindly went to turn it off before my brain started processing. Phone ringing early... Dan in my bed... Cornelia in labour!

I quickly sat up answering my phone. “Hello?” 

“Philllll why did you answer it.” Complained, Dan. I reached for my glasses and could see he had rolled over and put his head under the pillow. 

“Sorry to wake you Phil, but you did say you wanted to know as soon as Cornelia has had the baby.” Pointed out, my mum. 

“She had the baby! Dan wake up Cornelia has had the baby!” Overcome with joy, I yelled, hitting Dan awake. 

“Ouch! Stop hitting me, I can hear you.” Dan mumbled but slowly started to sit up.

“Phil, stop bashing Dan and put me on speaker so he can hear the news.” Laughed my mum. 

“Fine, I'll put you on speaker so Dan can hear too.” I agreed putting the phone on speaker and between us.

“Hi, Kath.” Greeted Dan. 

“Hello Dan, how are you?” Asked Mum politely. 

“I would be better if I wasn't hit awake.” I whacked him on the arm again for trying to get me in trouble. 

I interjected. “Dan is overacting and you haven't called to idly chat. Is Cornelia okay? Is the baby okay? Is the baby a boy or a girl? What's baby's name? Tell me tell me tell me tell me?” 

“Cornelia is fine! Tired, but she will be okay. And the baby is healthy, the baby was born at 5:21 this morning. You will have to come at visiting hours, which start at nine to find out the gender and name. It's not my news to share.” Mum teased. 

It was just after seven now. So by the time we showered and ate and dealt with London traffic it would be visiting hours. I guess I could wait. 

“We will see you in a few hours then mum.” 

“Bye Kath.” 

“Bye boys.” We all said our farewells before I shoved Dan out of bed to go make the coffee while I had the first shower. 

I was like a kid on Christmas morning on the way to the hospital. We stopped and got some balloons, and I had the little lion stuffy I got the baby. I couldn’t believe I was about to meet my niece or nephew.

“Phil you need to calm down,” Dan stated.

“I can’t! I’m too excited aren’t you excited?” I rambled.

“Of course I’m excited, but we are in a hospital. Cornelia is probably exhausted and you don’t want to scare the baby.” Dan said.

Annoyingly he was right. I tried to calm down. It was a challenge, but I managed it. Kinda. Mum had texted us the room number, but we still got lost slightly on our way. Thank goodness for Dan or I probably would have ended up on the complete opposite side of the hospital than the maternity wing if I was by myself. 

Finally, we were standing just outside the room. I knocked gently on the door and Mum beckoned us in. 

“Congratulations.” Dan and I said at the same time, me thrusting the balloons forward like a complete weirdo.

“How are you feeling Cornelia?” Asked Dan.

“Like I just gave birth.” She answered jokingly. “But you don’t really care how I feel. Guys, come and meet your niece Clara Isabella Lester.” 

My heart melted as Cornelia held Clara up for us to have a look at. I have a niece I have an absolutely adorable niece.

I was filled with love for this baby girl that I had never even held. I was going to be the best Uncle for her and make sure she always had everything she wanted. 

I could see Dan walk forward in my peripheral vision and pick her up. 

“Hey, Clara! Aren't you absolutely precious. I'm your Uncle Dan.” Dan looked utterly besotted. I couldn't help smiling like a fool at the sight of him holding her. 

I grabbed my phone because we needed a photo to capture this absolutely precious moment between them. He was staring at her with utter love and the softest smile on his face and she was looking straight up at him. 

Dan walked back to the bed so he was standing in front of me. “Look at her Phil! We have the most gorgeous niece ever! That's right Clara, you are the most gorgeous little girl.” He was completely cooing at her. 

“She is completely precious.” I reached out to hold her hand. 

“Here, you hold her.” Dan offered and I found myself immediately stepping back, shying away from the idea.

“Phil..” Dan said quietly.

“What if I drop her or I make her cry? You keep holding her, she likes you.” I stated I had known there was going to be a baby. I had been excited for the baby. I had looked up so much information, I knew everything I could know yet I hadn’t quite processed the fact that she would be so delicate and I would be so terrified of holding her.

Babies always cry when I hold them. She looked so content I didn't want to disrupt that. 

“You aren’t going to drop her Phil. And she is going to love you. I even bet you will be her favourite uncle. Put your arms out.” Dan said quietly for just me.

I slowly reached out and let Dan pass her to me. Once she was in my arms Dan still left one of his arms on mine as a form of comfort. 

“Hi, Clara sweetheart. You really are precious aren’t you.” I moved her slightly in my arms feeling more confident that she hadn’t immediately burst into tears. Dan moved so he was standing slightly behind me so we were both peering down at Clara. With her in my arms and Dan’s hand resting half on her and half on my arm. I was vaguely aware of someone taking our photo but I was to captivate with Clara to really care.

“Congratulations Cornelia and Martyn, she really is absolutely precious,” I said not even raising my eyes up from Clara. Afraid if I wasn't looking at her I may drop her.

“And remember whenever you need a babysitter we are available. We will always have time for this precious little angel. Isn't that right Clara.” Dan said cooing at her and leaning down to drop a kiss on her forehead.

I could see Dan was itching to hold her again so I motioned for him to grab her and he immediately did snuggling her into his chest. 

You would honestly think he was so much more familiar with babies for how natural he looked with Clara. 

“I don't think we will be letting her out of our sight for a while, but we will take you up on that at some point,” Martyn said. 

“You'll have to get in line boys grandparents get first dibs.” Reminded mum. 

“Not when the uncles live a lot closer we are much more convenient babysitters.” Dan pointed out. 

“Don't worry we will be making sure to visit even more often now to see our precious granddaughter,” Mum replied. 

Clara started to get a bit restless and Cornelia explained she was due for a feed. So Dan and I left after exchanging hugs with both of them congratulating them again. 

And making plans to have dinner with Mum and Dad later. 

It had been a whole hour since we had serviced but the time had flown by. 

I pulled my phone out in the cab to show Dan the picture I had taken of him and Clara. 

And I saw that Martyn must have been the person who I sensed take the photo earlier, as he had sent it to me. 

“That photo is precious. We need to get it printed and framed up on our wall.” Dan said. I hadn't even realised he was looking over my shoulder. 

“It is a lovely photo. I'm surprised I don't look as terrified as I felt. Though you look as utterly besotted as you do in the picture I took. I said, flicking through the photos I took of him and Clara. 

“We need that picture printed and framed as well. I want that in my room. Need to remember the first time meeting my precious little angel. But why did you freeze when you saw her? You've been so excited to meet your niece or nephew since they announced they were expecting.” Dan knew me too well. 

“I still am excited, but it’s one thing making plans for the future when it is just that: the future. But when I saw her it wasn't it the future. It was a reality. And what if I drop her, or when we are babysitting her she gets upset and I don't know what to do? Or I let her get hurt when I'm watching her. I've never spent prolonged time with babies or young children. And I didn't have any close doting fun uncles growing up. What if I mess up Dan! I don't know Martyn and Cornelia aren't freaking out. I'm just her uncle and I'm terrified of letting Clara down.” I rambled knowing Dan wouldn't judge me. 

I looked over at him to find him watching me with a fond smile. I found myself smiling back at him.

“Cornelia and Martyn are probably freaking out. And believe me, I will be freaking out when we babysit her. And she probably will get hurt when we look after her, children fall over and get hurt. And we will be there to pick her up and soothe her. And we will have each other to work things out.” Dan comforted me. 

“Clara is going to be very lucky to have you as an Uncle, and I'm very lucky to have you as a best friend. You're right... Everything will work out.” People looked after children every day. I had read the books. I could manage this.

“Now I need to see what you have bought because I need to make sure Clara is dressing appropriately.” That was the Dan I know. Did Kayne make baby clothes? Because if he did I wouldn’t be surprised if Clara would be sporting some ridiculously expensive baby clothes in the near future. 

Little did I know how right I was. Over the next couple of weeks not only did Dan read all the baby books I had bought, he had also bought I don’t want to know how many clothes for her. So many, I didn’t know how she would wear them all before she grew out of them.

He had bought a selection of all black outfits. Literally all black. I didn’t know there were so many variants of all black outfits for babies. I also didn’t think it would ever be something Cornelia and Martyn would dress her in. 

I suspected we would be doing outfit changes when she arrived to dress her in her all black. Besides the black outfits, he had also bought a variety of pastel baby outfits. I knew he was starting to embrace pastel and that, but he had bought like fifty outfits. I will give him this: he had bought various sizes for as she grows, but if he kept up with buying outfits at this speed he would have clothes for her to wear till she was twelve by Christmas. 

Martyn and Cornelia had both tweeted about the pregnancy, and I had tweeted throughout the months how excited I was to become an uncle and the assortment of cool baby things I had discovered throughout the pregnancy. 

Dan had of course been asked about his thoughts and he had let people know how moved he had been that Martyn and Cornelia had asked him to be an uncle even though he had no relation to the baby. 

Of course, there were people who used it as another proof that we must be together. Even with Dan having said how close he had gotten to them over the years.

We had both made it quite clear that we would be sharing baby things as long as our subscribers were respectful and respected our privacy and Cornelia and Martyn's privacy and that people didn’t bully or abuse, leave hate comments about the baby. 

A couple of weeks after Clara was born, Martyn and Cornelia were home and settled and posted their own picture and announcements. Dan posted the photo I had taken of him and Clara with the caption   
‘became an uncle a few weeks ago! isn't she the most precious thing you've ever seen? congrats to @mookentooken & @Iamcornelia’

I choose to post a photo taken a few days later, when they had been discharged and at home. I was sitting on their couch cuddling Clara in my arms. I certainly felt more confident holding her while sitting down. She was just so tiny. I posted the picture with the caption  
‘luckily she seems to have gotten @Iamcornelia looks instead of @mookentooken. how cute is my niece.’

Clara was four weeks old today, and Dan and I would be babysitting for the first time tomorrow. We had visited at least twice a week since she was born but Cornelia and Martyn had a wedding to go to and they didn’t want to take Clara. So Dan and I had offered to babysit for five hours.

Cornelia was very anxious, she had told us she would have a detailed schedule and notes for us and went over if we both knew how to feed her a bottle and change her nappy. Which I assured we did, reminding her she had made us both change and feed Clara while we had visited the last month. 

I understood she was leaving her daughter for the first time, and it was for quite a length of time, so Dan and I would let her go over as many things as she felt necessary so she felt confident. I’m sure if it wasn’t one of her oldest friends weddings she wouldn’t even be going.  
But Martyn had convinced her she would be okay and wouldn't want to miss it.   
So Dan and I were both looking forward to that. 

I was enjoying my morning coffee when Dan made his way into the kitchen “I can’t decide whether I’m more excited or nervous to be babysitting.” Dan stated.

“I think I’m more nervous than excited but I am excited.” I think Cornelia being nervous is making me nervous.

We had a couple of hours before they were due to arrive. It was my turn to edit a gaming video, Dan was going to tidy our apartment to make sure it was decent for a baby. I was so glad she was still months away from moving around and we didn’t have to baby proof the house. 

We had time for a quick lunch and were just finishing when our doorbell rang signalling they were here.

Cornelia, as promised, had a detailed list for us, not only written down, but she emailed us both a copy which had literally everything we would possible need including my own mum's number if we thought we needed help. Which I did have to bite my tongue to keep from laughing. I have mums number in my phone I didn’t need that written out for me. Cornelia, was way too worried.

Eventually, after promising to call immediately if anything was going wrong, Martyn managed to drag her out the door.

“All right Clarabelle you ready for a fun day with Uncle Dan and Uncle Phil?” Dan cooed. He had happily grabbed her off Cornelia as soon as she had been ready to party. I was left with all the necessities.

“Dan, you know Cornelia doesn’t like that nickname.” I pointed out. She was adamant that her daughter's name was Clara Isabelle and Dan couldn’t just drop the isa part and then combine her first and middle name. Cornelia’s rant was quite funny. Especially as I wasn’t the one receiving it but that hadn’t stopped Dan from calling her it.

At this point, I think Cornelia had just accepted it although she was still grumbling as she knew as well as I did. Dan wouldn’t stop now that he had started calling her Clarabelle. She was, to Dan, permanently Clarabelle.

“She does like it, she just doesn’t want to admit. She hasn’t yelled at me about it in two weeks.” Dan said proudly.

“Mmhm now, what is this fun day we are having?” If Dan had made plans he hadn’t shared it with me.

“We are going to have a photoshoot aren’t we Clarabelle. You want to try on all the pretty outfits that Uncle Dan brought you. Yes, you do don’t you, we will take lots of pretty pictures to send to mummy to show her how much fun you are having with your Uncles.” I don’t even know what I had expected. That was so Dan even if the cooing adorably to a baby was new.

I still hadn’t quite gotten used to how well he had taken to being an Uncle and how much he was just completely besotted with her it really was so precious to see them interact with each other.

Dan had it all planned out he laid Clara down on a white baby blanket in the very middle of his bed. Before changing her into her first outfit of the all-black ensembles he had bought a cute onesie with white lettering ‘My Little Black Dress”.

If you had of asked me a year ago if I thought I would spend an hour helping change a baby between photos and helping Dan take the ‘perfect’ aesthetic photo, including different baby toys to match the clothing aesthetic I would have laughed and asked what fanfic you had been reading. But here I was. I think how much Dan’s enjoyment was contagious and why it wouldn’t have been something I would have chosen to do. I knew it was going to be a memory I cherished.

I had set a reminder on my phone for when it was time to feed Clara and it went off. So I let Dan know he had ten more minutes to play with her before we had to give her her bottle. 

“That's okay I only have one more photo I want to take. Go and get changed into your “Awesome Uncle” shirt and come back.” Dan directed. At this point, I wasn’t even going to question why I needed to get changed.

I came back changed into my shirt that Cornelia and Martyn had given us when they announced their pregnancy. I had to smile when I saw Clara in a onesie that said: “I get my awesome from my Uncles."

‘That’s cute where did you get that?” I asked.

“I can’t remember somewhere online,” Dan answered I wasn’t surprised he couldn’t remember with the amount of stuff he had bought. I noticed Dan had changed into his shirt as well.

“You are making us take a group pic aren’t you.” I would admit I whined.

“Don’t look like that! It is going to be an awesome pic.” I hated that I was so predictable Dan hadn’t even had to turn around to know I was giving him a look.

“How is this going to work?” My brain was confused on how the three of us were going to get a photo of the three us. There was no one to take a picture. Clara couldn’t exactly stand or even sit between us, someone had to hold her. Like how was this going to work?

We are going to go sit on the lounge next to each other and place Clara half on my lap half on yours so we both have an arm to support her and I’ll take the pic.” Dan answered confidently I was still confused I was just going to do what I was told. 

I was right the photo was a challenge to take especially seeing as we not only had to be smiling have Clara looking at the camera but also have all our shirts shown. In the end, it may have taken slightly longer than ten minutes until the photo was taken and Clara was having her bottle it wasn’t more than a few minutes late and Cornelia never needed to know and the photo was incredibly precious.

I made the bottle and fed her so Dan got to change her and we both put her down to sleep in the port a cot.

Dan then spent literally the next hour editing the photos he had taken of Clara. While I went to check everything with the gaming video I had edited and upload it. By the time it was uploaded and I had made the necessary tweets. 

Dan had picked his favourite ten photos of Clara and uploaded them to Instagram including the picture of the three of us. With the caption ‘Got to babysit my precious Clarabelle today and had a little fashion shoot with her.

I could see people freaking out in the comments but from what I could see it was mainly about how cute she was with a few comments saying #PhanConfirmed

“People think that photo of me you and Clara proves we are together.” I couldn’t help myself commenting to Dan as I entered the lounge.

“I figured they would but they are the ones who already thinks we are together. Even if I was to add in every post that we aren’t together and I am just Clara’s uncle because I’m adopted family they would just think I'm lying so what’s the point.” Dan shrugged and he honestly sounded so unbothered by the point I was shocked. 

While the last few years since tatinof we had definitely been more ourselves in front of the camera and stopped caring what people think. This was something newer than the usual theories we just brushed off.

“You’re right it doesn’t matter and those photos of Clara really are incredibly precious.

We managed to successfully look after Clara she was a happy baby when Cornelia and Martyn arrived. I could see Cornelia was relieved to be back with Clara she did admit that she was glad she went.

And While Cornelia was still reluctant to leave Clara for very long or often. She did take advantage of having us as babysitters when she needed it. 

Both Dan and I Instagrams were starting to feature Clara every now and again. And while for the most parts our videos hadn’t changed I had done a video about my experience with baby products. Like folding a pram which was so fun to work out.. Not and other baby products experiences I had had which in true Phil form I had had some memorable experiences some of the stuff was really challenging. 

The first time we had her overnight though Clara was three months old and it was quite an experience which Dan ended up turning into a video ‘Babysitting trials.” Where he started with the nice easy things like changing her, feeding her and having her spit it all over you, not being able to find out how to turn off that one toy that is making that horrible music constantly. And the funniest sketch of the video was Dan falling out of bed at 3 am when Clara woke him up crying because he forgot we were babysitting and had a baby in the apartment. As he told it he thought he had woken up to some horror movie.

We had done rock papers scissors to determine whose room Clara would sleep in that night and even though I had won and she spent the night in Dan’s, I ended up getting up to help anyway woken up by Clara crying and Dan thudding to the ground. 

With teamwork, we had her back asleep in half an hour. But wow did she show off her lungs in that half an hour while we changed her and fed her and put her back to sleep. I think the way Dan phased it in his video summed it up Clara was cute except at 3 am when she was possessed by some demon. She never screamed that loud during the day just at 3 am when we were both asleep.  
Even with her waking him up in the middle of night and Dan joking she had been possessed you could clearly see in the video how much he loved her. A lot of the comments on his video was about   
what a great father he would make in the future.

And I couldn’t agree more whoever Dan had children within the future was going to be very lucky because not only would they have an amazing partner in Dan but he is going to be the most amazing doting father. 

A lot of people had requested a ditl video and we finally had a perfect opportunity to film one when she was five months old. Clara was doing more than just sleeping all day now so it would be more interesting and we had convinced Clara and Martyn to let us have a whole night and day with her so they could go and celebrate their anniversary. 

As we were having her from Saturday night until Sunday afternoon we decided to vlog the Saturday night. We hadn’t really planned anything exciting, we weren’t going out it was not only going to be the Clara DiTL video everyone was harassing us for. It was also going to be the ‘Domestic’ DiTL everyone has been harassing us for. 

It was just going to be a day of us chilling at home and entertaining Clara all day and seeing us be a mess when she wakes us up in the middle of the night. 

But I new people would love it as Dan would say it was giving the people what they want. 

We were going to try and capture a lot so that we could edit together the best video. So we both made sure our phones were fully charged before the arrived. 

We planned to start the vlog just before they were due to arrive. The plan I was going to start the vlog explaining what was going then have the next clip be us greeting Clara. I wanted it to be a great video and I was so nervous about how it was going to turn out I was probably way overthinking the whole thing. 

“Hey don't look so nervous you didn't promise this video they don't even know we are filming so if you aren't happy with how it turns out we will just film it again.” Dan comforted sensing how nervous I was. 

“I know I know but honestly I think I'm more worried about the comments. Which I know is stupid I don't usually worry about the comments. But I know how crazy judgmental other people can be when it comes to children and how people look after them…”I trailed off not finishing my thoughts I hadn't worried about the comments in years but this was different. 

I guess cause I was still worried about not being a good uncle that it was stressing me out. 

I wasn't expecting Dan to pull me into a hug so I went stiff as he wrapped his arms around me. But once my brain caught up I let myself relax completely into his arms. 

We didn't hug often usually saving them for moments like this when one of them needed. I could feel my stress leaving me though. Dan was amazing at hugs and it was harder to worry when I was wrapped in his arms and knew no matter what we were a solid unit and could get through anything. 

I knew I was very lucky to have a best friend who no matter what had my back and always knew how to talk me down from my crazy. 

“Some people like to cause drama and be jerks. People are going to say hateful things about both of us. But you know our subscribers Phil for every jerk who watches the video and insults us. There will be a hundred people saying nice things. And we will only be showing them a snippet they can't judge us from that.” Dan comforted. 

I gave him one more squeeze before stepping out of his embrace. 

“You're right, thank you. I think I just needed that reminder.” It was harder to argue with someone else's reasoning then your own. 

“No problem how many times have you comforted me over the years when I was stressed about a video. Too many to count.” I had to laugh at that he was right. This usually was the other way around. 

Luckily before I could talk myself back into a meltdown. They were arriving and then it was hard to worry when I had Clara smiling up at me as she happily came into my arms. 

Dan was filming me greet Clara and passed the phone to Martyn to hold so he could come and steal her. 

“How's my Clarabelle are you good? Of course, you're good you are spending the night with your two favourite Uncles.” Dan cooed. 

“I would like to point out I did not call my daughter Clarabelle her name is Clara Isabelle. Dan decided to just mix them to get his own nickname.” Cornelia pointed out which made me laugh. 

“That's because Clarabelle suits her and it's not just a nickname she will know her name is Clara Isabelle but you will always be Uncle Dan’s Clarabelle won't you sweetheart.” Dan defended himself. 

“Dan is complete mush around Clara I don't know if you guys are prepared for it. She turns him into another person.” I joked to the camera, I was pretty sure there was going to be a lot of people melting watching Dan and Clara. Honestly, I was one of them so I fully understood. 

Clara was such an adorable baby that filming her was quite easy to like obviously there were some things we just knew we had to film of her and Dan was so precious with her that I knew I had to make sure to capture a lot of that. I also knew Dan was going to be making sure to film me and Clara as well he wasn’t going to let me escape it and of course, we would have to get footage of us both with Clara. 

So once I started slipping into youtuber Phil and looking at everything through oh I would love to share that or no I’m not comfortable sharing that. I found I was feeling less nervous. 

“Phil come and join us we're having tummy time,” Dan yelled through the apartment. I snapped out of my thoughts and headed into our lounge to find Dan and Clara on the floor with some stuffed toys. I laid down on the other side of Clara. With Dan and I encouraging her to reach out and grab some toys and just trying to get her to smile. 

“Look at her stretching those legs and arms. She was going to be crawling before we know it.” Which meant we were finally going to have to babyproof. 

“Of course she is cause she is a clever little girl. Come on turn on the camera so we can show everyone how clever she is. 

I turned the camera on and Dan recapped what we were doing. With me struggling to keep both of us and the baby on the floor in frame. 

“Phil read all the baby books so he makes sure we always do tummy time with her,” Dan explained to the camera. 

“Hey, it's important we don't want her to get a flat head.” Though she was so cute she would pull it off. 

Tummy time lead to us feeding her with her on the couch between us. Even with having to remember to bring out the camera and film Clara it really seemed like just a normal weekend. In the end, we had more than enough footage. 

And I was surprised when I was going through it that I looked just as confident and natural as Dan after the first couple of clips. I had even been the one to soothe her back to sleep in the middle of the night and it had gone really well. 

I was really proud of myself and was filled with a sense of accomplishment I am a good uncle. 

Clara was five months now and while we enjoyed having her once a month Dan and I both wanted to have her more. So after a lot of hinting and suggesting and then just outright asking we had convinced Cornelia and Martyn that they should go on a date night once a fortnight and let us babysit for a few hours. 

We had stressed that we would still, of course, look after her at any other time if needed but once a fortnight they should have four hours to themselves. 

Cornelia and Martyn were both reluctant saying they didn't need to go on a date every fortnight.   
To which Dan and replied they didn't have to go out they could stay in and have a relaxing meal and we could even come and drop her home. 

We had a car seat we could put in cabs. 

The Day in the life of Uncle Dan, Uncle Phil and Clara. Had been received really well by the viewers there was a lot of comments asking for another one or just any videos with Clara. And for me, that was all I needed to do my review on stupid baby products mixed in with snippets of video or photos of Clara playing with them. 

There was also quite a few comments saying how good I was with Clara and with my new found confidence I actually believed them. 

So with giving Cornelia and Martyn the heads up Dan and I had actually decided to start taking Clara on mini adventures. 

Not exactly in our comfort zone but who doesn't want to take their niece to the park. Sure she was still quite young. But I had seen pics of her at the park with her parents she loved it. 

Same with indoor play centres which also had the benefit of it not really having our demographic hanging there so we aren't likely to get spotted. 

Though luckily our viewers had been so good in regards to Clara. They had respected our boundaries and if there were anyone who was pushing the boundaries others jumped in to let them know it wasn't appropriate. 

“Phil have you made sure to check the nappy bag has been restocked,” Dan yelled out through the apartment. 

“Yes, Dan I have just like I told you when you asked ten minutes ago,” I answered rolling my eyes. 

“Are you sure because we don't want a replay of what happened last time. She completely ruined that outfit of mine.” I laughed at the memory of Clara’s complete poosplosion all over Dan. 

“I'm still impressed you didn't throw her.” The look on his face clearly showed he had wanted to. 

“I could never throw my Clarabelle even if she did betray me. But make sure we have an extra nappy so we can change her so it never ever happens again.” He was so traumatised it was hilarious. 

“I promise everything is all packed. Get Clara and let's go.” I had wanted to be at the park now, not just leaving the house now.

 

“I’m coming I just had to change Clarabelle I realised I had a better outfit for her.” Of course, he did six months and he was still having to change her multiple times a day.

“See if we had left an hour ago we would have been able to get a better picnic spot. We wouldn’t be stuck out here in the sun and I wouldn’t have to be applying sunscreen.” I complained to Dan. It was lunch time now so the area near the playground was full of other families having stolen all the best spots.

“But then Clara wouldn’t have had the perfect park outfit. And It’s October in London It may be a good day but really sunscreen.” Dad added.

“There was absolutely nothing wrong with the other three outfits she had on today.” In fact, they were all pretty similar.

“They just weren’t right, look at the flowers on her leggings doesn’t it just scream park.” Said Dan.

“So did the other leggings with the exact same flowers that were just a slightly different shade.” Like literally just slightly different shade.

“You just don’t get it Phil and anyway this is a good spot we can see everything,” Dan added.

I had to admit we had a good view of the park, the lake in the distance and had a great view of all the trees and the different autumnal colours of the leaves.

“I’ll give you that we will have to make sure to take a family photo before we leave.” 

“Can I just say you two sound just like me and my husband when it comes to getting our baby out the door. You have an adorable baby.” I just smiled at the lady glad she was making that comment in passing.

“Is it just me or are we getting mistaken as a couple way more since we started taking this little cutie out places?” Questioned Dan.

“Not just you, it’s almost like two men can’t go out with a baby without being assumed to be a couple.” Honestly, think we were being mistaken for a couple more in real life than online at this point.

“At least we know having two dads is really becoming more mainstream.” Dan pointed out.

“True people, in general, are becoming more accepting which is great.” And that was the end of that conversation. We were soon busy entertaining Clara.

Being October I felt my pumpkin spice latte craving was totally justified and plus Dan owed me one. So I sent him to go get us drink from Starbucks why I played with Clara in the sandpit. 

I was pretty sure even though he did owe me Dan only agreed to go because it was the first time I had ever actually offered to be left alone with Clara in public. But I had this, I knew what her cries meant now.

I knew how to feed her, I knew how to stop her from eating too much sand, a little bit was fine though. It had been six months I had this uncle thing down pat by now.

At least until she started crawling and became mobile then she was gonna have me on my toes again. 

Clara was babbling away in the sandpit and covering herself with sand. I had to take a cute video to post on Instagram later once we were home.

“Phil why is she covered in sand.”Dan queried sitting down next to me handing me my PSL.

“Because I think she was trying to grab her bucket and ended up wearing it. Don't worry I got a cute video.” Everything was worth it if you got a video right?

“She is ruining her outfit,” Dan complained.

“What can I say she is a Lester.” She takes after her Uncle goodness knows I was always getting my clothes dirty with something and not just when we cooked.

“You must be so proud she takes after you.” Dan teased.

“I really am,” I answered completely seriously. 

Not long after we had finished our drinks Clara started getting fussy letting us know we needed to take her home for a nap before she started getting upset.

Dan was scripting his newest video and I was meant to be editing the latest gaming video. That was technically meant to go up tonight. But we hadn't promised that so if it wasn't done it would go up in the morning with no one the wiser. 

At least that was what I was trying to reason with myself. I wasn't good at giving myself excuse to procrastinate that was Dan's field. 

But I just kept getting distracted by Dan and I conversation earlier about more and more people in public thinking we were a couple. 

It didn't bother me when people shipped us. I was used to that and it was just part of the internet everybody was shipped with somebody and Dan and I being as close as we are because we are friends. It was just what it was we accepted that we would be shipped. 

But in real life, people normally didn't assume... until Clara came along. 

I tried to look it from there point of view but I didn't get it. Sure we took her out together but that's just because we weren't confident enough to battle London with Clara by ourselves. 

And yeah people had commented about our domestic conversation but we have known each other for ten years that was normal. 

And that also explained why we had no problem being physically close like when I had Clara in my lap earlier and Dan was pressed against my side feeding her. That's just because it's the easiest way to feed her without her high chair. 

Dan and I were best friends we did everything together we worked together, of course, we were close I reasoned.

I was fine with us being close. I was fine with people shipping me with my best friend on the internet so why was I frustrated with people thinking we were a couple in real life. 

“Hey, Phil are you finished editing the video?” Asked Dan appearing in the doorway. 

“No sorry I got distracted,” I answered putting on my best Amazing Phil everything is fine smile. 

“Hey what's wrong?” Dan asked not being fooled. 

“I'm just tired and have a bit of a headache and am frustrated because it's making it hard to finish this,” I answered with most of the truth. Enough that I hoped he believed me. Because I didn't understand what was going on in my head. I wasn't ready to discuss it. 

I reached for a drink of water hoping to clear my head before turning back to the computer. So I was startled when Dan leaned over me taking control of the mouse and saving what I had been doing. 

“Dan what are you doing?” I protested. 

“Saving this we can finish it in the morning.” He answered with or pause shutting down the computer. 

“But I’m fine.” I tried to protest to no avail Dan just grabbed me by the arm and started tugging me.

“But nothing come on.” I didn’t have the energy to protest so let Dan drag me out of the office to my room. 

“Pick something for us to watch on your laptop I’ll be back,” Dan stated before disappearing back out the door.

I did as he suggested getting comfortable on my bed in the process. I was still scrolling through Netflix trying to find something to watch when Dan appeared dangerously carrying two mugs and a bowl of popcorn.

“What are the chances one of them is a coffee?” I could really do with a coffee.

“Absolutely none they are both hot chocolates with marshmallows you don't need caffeine at this time of night.” He did have a point if I had a coffee now I would be up all night which with the way my brain was being at the moment wasn't a good idea.

“You don’t believe that I'm fine do you?’ I couldn’t help but ask as Dan settled on the other side of my bed.

It was very rare we would watch something in one of our beds usually choosing the lounge room and even rarer that Dan would make me a hot chocolate and my favourite popcorn without me even asking unless I was sick or upset.

“I believe something is stressing you out and I don’t know what and you don’t have to tell me but I know what your stress headaches look like Phil.” He knew me too well. 

“It's nothing I just have to think through something.” That sounded more reassuring than the truth. 

“Well you know I'm here for you if you need a sounding board. But for now, try and relax and watch stupid movies and eat your popcorn that will make you happy.” I made myself get comfier taking Dan’s advice. I truly was lucky he understood me so well and he wasn’t forcing me to discuss something I just wasn’t ready to discuss yet. 

Hot chocolate, popcorn, Netflix my bed and a supportive best friend. It was kind of hard to stress when a pretty awesome evening was going on around me. I let myself relax and just enjoy myself and the show we were watching.

I must have felt myself relax too much because they next thing I knew I was waking up with no memory of falling asleep and still feeling groggy. I could feel my glasses digging into my side which must have woken me up. . My laptop was on the bed next to me still open but completely dead and Dan was passed out on the other side of the bed.

I checked my phone and it was only three am so I hadn’t slept long I plugged my phone in. Before grabbing my laptop and closing it placing it on my bedside table putting my glasses on top.

And adjusted my blanket over Dan and I before settling back down and letting myself drift off to sleep.

I was feeling much more rested when I woke next without the laptop between us and both of us getting into a deeper sleep Dan and I had both migrated to the middle of the bed I was on my back with Dan on his side with his arm thrown over my waist. 

At first, I was momentarily confused why Dan was in my bed. Then the events of the night before slowly came back into my mind. And the only thing I could think of was how stupid I was to have been stressing.

There is a reason why I don’t care what people think. Its because I try and live my life the way I want to live it. Which to be honest was just like this, I had gone from giving myself a stress headache. To feeling content and happy waking up next to Dan the next day. Which if anyone saw would make them assume we were a couple.

Which would be fair enough and why would I stop doing what makes me happy just to stop people's harmless opinions.

I loved Dan he was my best friend, spending time with him and Clara made me happy. Snuggling up to Dan when it was cold or one of us was sad or stressed made me happy. Seeing Dan's accomplishments made me happy and want to boast about him. 

So what we were still living together, who cares we didn’t have any other significant others. We were both happy and honestly, there was nothing more I needed in life. If you were to ask me where I wanted to be in the next five, ten, twenty, thirty even fifty years. Every answer would involve Dan being by my side.

I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him. I wanted to grow old with Dan, I wanted to continue to have Netflix nights when we were both stressed and gaming sessions that last all day. Having someone who knows me better than myself. I want to buy a forever home and get a dog and have an awesome yard with lots of room for Clara to play when she comes over. I even want to have kids of our own.

I froze as that last thought entered my head as the rest of my body caught up with my brain and I started freaking. I slowly moved Dan's arm off me so I could go and have a freakout somewhere else.

I heard Dan grumble as I got out of bed but thankfully he just rolled over onto his stomach still sleeping.

I just kept running over the last thoughts that had entered my brain over and over again as I made my way to the bathroom locking the door behind me.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god. I was freaking I was really freaking out. I mean that was what I wanted I wasn't lying to myself but dear god how was that what I wanted I mean I had never thought about it but then where exactly did I think my life was going it's not like I had made plans to do anything else or be with anybody else and dear god Phil breathe.

Breathe in through your nose breathe out through your mouth I repeated inside my head like a mantra trying to calm myself down.

I had never felt more like the world's biggest idiot then I did right now. Realising I wanted a future with Dan.

I figured I may as well have a shower seeing ass I was in the bathroom and I Was trying to calm myself down.

There was no point freaking out. I mean what really was this going to affect nothing. I mean Dan and I had already been on this track before I realised it I just needed to continue to act exactly the same. 

Just continue on the path we were already on I mean we had vaguely be talking about getting a house together anyway so I could just put some feelers out see if he was still interested. It was really no big deal he was my bffl after all.

I just had to keep reminding myself of that if I started to freak out. For now, though I needed to get dressed get something to eat and go finish editing that gaming video. 

LIfe managed to go on, normally with only minor awkwardness the first morning before I really embraced that it didn't change anything we were just best friends.

I was looking for opportunities to broach the idea of buying a house our lease was up in five months so if we could get the ball rolling soon now would be perfect. Because I understood buying a house wouldn’t be an easy process even if Dan was on board.

Our addiction of property shows actually gave me the perfect opportunity we were in the lounge having a marathon of house hunters.

“How do you reckon we would be if we were looking for a house to buy?” I asked.

“It would be full of banter with both us wanting what the other would consider ridiculous features before we would hopefully find the perfect place,” Dan answered not even taking his eyes off the show.

“We would be able to get a dog if we bought a house so it would be worth it.” I pointed out casually. 

“Yeah, and we wouldn’t have to deal with a landlord anymore it would be great,” Dan answered still not even glancing at me.

“A lot of pros to buying a house,” I stated.

Dan must have finally sensed I wasn’t making idle conversation because he finally turned to look at me.

“This isn’t a hypothetical conversation is it?” Dan asked.

“I mean that’s up to you, it could be or it could be an actual discussion.” I tried to continue to act nonchalant.

“We would have to do boring adult stuff like go to the bank and get approved for a mortgage.” Was Dan's first comment.

“We would.” It would be boring but worth it.

“We would definitely argue while trying to find a house.” Was Dan’s next comment.

“If how we are with Dils house is anything to go on most certainly.” I knew we would easily get past any disagreement.

“RIght right, look Phil I’m not saying no because I mean I know we have spoken about buying a house in the future. Future being the key word there. You have obviously had time to think about this. Can I think about it and we can continue this later?” Dan asked.

“Of course Dan no rush, and don’t feel pressured it was just something that popped into my head the other day so I've been thinking about it. Of course, take the time to think about it.” I honestly would have been shocked if Dan had turned around and said yes let’s go to the bank tomorrow. 

But he was honestly considering it now and that was all I had wanted. Plus it made me feel slightly better about that thing I wasn’t thinking about but, Dan was mostly on the same page. He had no desire to move out anytime soon. 

So we were both co-dependant. 

I was meant to be answering emails. But after an hour of literally just answering different work emails. I was taking a break watching hedgehog videos on youtube. When Dan wandered into the lounge.

“Let’s do it. Honestly, we have been talking about as a future thing for so long we need to just do it. The pros way outweigh the cons. I honestly don’t know why we haven't already done it.” Dan rambled.

I would admit I did just look at him in confusion. Our mind meld was not working my brain was fried from work emails. I had no idea what he was on about.

“Huh?” I asked confused.

“Buying a house Phil, honestly you brought it up. I’m saying let's do it let's get the process started let's start seriously looking on websites. Go to the bank and get approved for a mortgage.” Oh, that made sense.

“You really think we should do it?” I couldn’t help but ask.

“Like I said I honestly don’t know why we haven’t we are in a great position financially and we both really want a dog. Anyway, I have started a list of what I think the place HAS to have.” Dan came and sat down next to me opening the notebook he was holding me and showing me his list.

Has good Wifi available  
Four bedrooms Me, Phil, Clara, Guest  
+Gaming room/office  
Bathroom with good sized bath  
Yard  
Decent size kitchen  
Decent size lounge  
AIRCON  
LOADS OF STORAGE

 

“I think that is all the main things at least that I can't think of anything else I guess we will think of more as we start looking see what we like and what we don’t like we can add to the list.

I was so glad we didn’t have any secret project we were currently working on. Because getting approved for a mortgage and finding a house to buy soon took over our life.

Dealing with the bank did take a while. But we got approved and it wasn’t too painful.

Finding a house even with a realtor which we had gotten was honestly a nightmare. Our list of must-haves might have started small but that's wasn't the case anymore and our list of must not haves was even longer.

It was hard to find a good size house that wasn’t too far out of London because while obviously, we couldn’t stay right in the city we didn’t want to move too far out of it. 

It was a struggle and I didn’t even want to think what our realtor's opinion on us was. I was pretty sure she had assumed we were a couple because we were buying a house together. Then we obviously were comparing what rooms we would each have in a potential house which she had looked so confused at. Then she had started looking at us with even more strange looks when we had started discussing were good places to film would be in potential houses. 

Like I honestly think she thought Dan and I were complete weirdos. She was doing her job and I was honestly getting used to her looking at us strangely.

“Oh look who finally decided to grace us with their presence,” Martyn stated annoyed.

“Sorry our realtor called this morning with a new potential house for us to view and we couldn’t pass it sounded great. Plus we were only five minutes late don’t get your knickers in a twist.” Dan teased.

“Wait what, go back you were doing what?” Cornelia asked confused.

“Did we not tell them we were buying a house?” Dan asked looking at me in confusion. I was confused as well though I could have sworn we had. “I thought we had,” I answered.

“No, you hadn’t we would have remembered.I mean you had spoken about it in a future way oh we should just buy a house then we wouldn’t have to deal with blah blah blah. But not in oh by the way we are actually buying a house.” Martyn sounded just as confused as Cornelia.

“Sorry it seems to be taking up so much of our life I thought everyone. I mean I did complain to you about the bank didn’t I?” I remember talking to them about how boring the bank was last time I had been over.

“Just about how boring it is not that you were there getting approved for a mortgage,” Cornelia stated.

“Well, you know now. You haven’t missed much we are either too picky or property in London all suck.” Dan added to the conversation.

“We can get back to the property sucking. Can we just talk about the fact that you two are moving into your fourth home together this time actually buying it?” Martyn asked.

“Sure what you want to ask?” Dan asked nonchalantly.

“You don’t see anything about that we need to discuss?” Martyn asked confused.

“No,” Dan replied shrugging.

“Seriously?” Asked Martyn sounding even more confused.

“I have to agree with Dan what about that doesn’t make sense. I mean financially it makes more sense for us to buy a home as an investment then continue throwing money away renting.” If that was what he was confused about.

“I think what Martyn is getting at is people don’t normally buy houses with their best friends. Normally they move out with their significant others and buy a house. Like what are you two going to do when you do decide to settle down with other people?” Asked Martyn.

“It’s a financial investment if we want to sell it for some reason we sell it and split it down the middle,” Dan answered not sharing Martyn’s concern at all. 

We had had a small discussion ourselves along those lines and come to the decision we would just sell if one of us needed/wanted to move out. But I didn’t see that happening when did I have time to find someone to fall in love with someone. And while Dan hadn’t outright said it I was pretty sure he was thinking similar things 

“You two take co-dependant to a whole new level. Anyway, that’s not today’s focus let’s talk about new merch like we are meant to.” Cornelia said getting us back on track.

If Dan and I had thought everyone was going to be supportive of us buying a house we were proven very very wrong. No one seemed to be against it but everyone we told certainly had questions and asked if we were sure.

Like we both hadn’t thought of everything of course we were sure.

My mum had straight out said to me.”At least Martyn has given me a grandchild.” Me buying a house with Dan in her mind she had ruled out me ever having children. I was going to be a bachelor for the rest of my life according to her. She didn’t seem to have a problem with it at least.

A few friends had just straight up asked if this was us announcing we were together and seemed so confused when we said we weren’t together.   
Louise had spoken to Dan and I both individually. She had been one of the few friends who didn’t assume this was us saying we were together and I don’t know how her conversation went with Dan.

All he had said was Louise called earlier she wanted to know how we were going looking for the house.

Which was not how our conversation had gone. She started with “How is it going looking for a house.” But as soon as I said ‘it could be better.’ 

She asked “When are you boys going to pull your heads out of your arses? Honestly, you two make me shake my head. You are buying a house together because you can’t see yourselves moving to more separate lives. You two are more married than most married couples and seem to be completely unaware.” I had managed to give her a half-assed answer about why we were buying why it made sense.

Not wanting to admit that I wasn’t completely oblivious. That I was aware Dan and I were incredibly close but we weren’t together we just worked so well together it made sense. If one of us did fall in love with someone we would survive not being together all the time. But if we didn’t we would happily live together and have a life.

I mean I hadn’t focused too much on it because it wasn’t necessary so I probably had some stuff to work out but I wasn’t in a rush.

We had been giving up hope on finding a house and honestly we thought we were going to have to renew our lease for another six months as it was up in two months and we had no potential houses that we wanted to buy.

 

We were both feeling a bit dejected as we caught a cab to the next house we were looking at. And the second I got out of the car I felt like maybe all hope wasn’t lost. 

I just got a feeling that I really needed to give this place a chance. I looked over at Dan and he had a slight smile on his face he must have gotten the same feeling. Our realtor had assured us this place met all our requirements. But she had said that about the last few yet Dan and I had had issues with all of them.

But as we started walking around this place I wasn’t getting bombarded with reasons not to buy. Instead, I was getting bombarded with reasons to buy. It was in a neighbourhood we liked. The rooms were decent size there were four rooms that would make great bedrooms. One was a master bedroom with it’s own ensuite which was going to be fun to work out who gets it if we choose this place.

Another room that would make a great office/gaming room for us. An awesome up to date kitchen. Decent lounge, plenty of built-in storage a modest size yard.

And it was within our price range. Though I knew Dan was going to haggle with the owners to get the price down a bit. 

We let the realtor know we were interested but would have to go home and discuss it between us.

It was no discussion though we both agreed that was it that was the house we had to buy.

I let Dan deal with calling the realtor the next day and luckily our offer was accepted and we started the process of buying our own house.

The day we got the keys I honestly teared up Dan couldn’t make fun of me though he actually cried.

“We’ve come so fucking far,” Dan mumbled but I was standing so close to him I heard him.

“We really really have. We aren’t those young boys who had no idea if this crazy youtube thing was a feasible career anymore.” Honestly, 22 year old me would have never thought Dan and I would end up here.

“Screw what everyone else thinks I am so glad we have bought this house together.” I agreed completely with him and couldn't help myself pulling him into a hug. “Me to Dan me to.”

As Clara’s first birthday was coinciding with us moving into the house. Dan and I had decided to spoil her a bit by having an awesome room set up. She was over enough that in our minds it was completely justified to us. 

We were so excited about Clara’s room that it was the first room finished. The rest was a slow and painful purpose. 

By the time Playlist live rolled around in May though we had fully moved into the house. We had even made the necessary youtube video to announce that we had moved again. As soon as the words no we aren’t renting we bought it. Came out of our mouth all anyone wants to know is when are we getting a dog.

Dan and I were either ignoring the questions or just telling them soon. In all reality, we were looking for a dog. But we wanted to have one that was ready to come home after vidcon in a couple of months so that we weren’t needing to travel immediately after getting a puppy.

I was really really looking forward to playlist this year more than any other year. Because Clara was coming with Martyn and Cornelia and we were going to get to take her to Disney World. Mom and Dad were coming to it was our family vacation after playlist after all. But really Dan and I were just excited to take Clara to Disney. 

Dan had bought her several cute Disney outfits to wear. He had literally text Cornelia asking if he could buy all her Disney outfits. 

He had never been so excited to go before and neither had I. Obviously she was only one so it wasn’t going to get the same reaction if she was older. But she was running around now and had watched several Disney movies she get very happy when she heard certain princess songs. 

So I was really hoping she would love it. I was pretty sure the parades would get a smile and even giggles out of her. 

We were going to hopefully film a Day In The Life of Dan Phil and Clara in Disney World.

“Morning everyone today you are going to join Dan and I as we join Martyn and Cornelia as they take Clara to Disneyworld for the first time.” I started the vlog The next clip was Dan drinking Coffee looking more awake than he usually did this early in the morning.

“Are you excited to go to Disney again?” I asked Dan turning the camera on again.

“I am as long as we don’t get stuck on It’s a small world it will be a good day.” It was gonna be pretty easy to have a good day if that was all we had to do to keep Dan happy.

The next clip was Dan showing off Clara’s princess dress.

The video was full of adorable clips not all including Clara either some just me and Dan.

There was one clip which I honestly had taken in and out of the blog half a dozen times. Dan had watched it through and not commented on it when I asked if there were any clips he wanted out. And he always spoke out if there was a clip he didn’t like. 

So I was slightly surprised he hadn’t commented on it, especially when it was driving me so crazy.

It was Dan and I sitting down waiting for the fireworks. Martyn and Cornelia were grabbing Dinner and so we had Clara and were minding the spots.

Dan and I were sitting completely flush with each other with Clara half in my lap half in Dan’s. She was playing with her favourite stuffed toy.

The vlog clip was meant to be us talking about waiting for the fireworks. But Clara had started babbling and she wasn’t saying Dan or Phil yet so it had turned into me trying to get her to say Uncle Phil and Dan trying to get her to say, Uncle Dan. Dan had cheated and picked her up so she was facing him and started tickling her saying “Come on Clarabelle say it with me, Uncle Dan.

And to use a fandom saying I was full on love eyes Lester staring at Dan and Clara. Dan must have sensed me staring because he turned and looked at me and while the love and adoration in his eyes were probably for Clara. 

It was one of the few moments where I actually looked at it and saw what everyone else sees. We actually looked like a couple. And it freaked me out majorly.

Once we got back home we started seriously looking for breeders and we finally found a breeder who met all the standards for humane breeding. They had a guardian program where their breeder dogs lived with families while they weren't needed for a ‘honeymoon’ or pregnant if they were the female dogs.

So we both felt good about adopting from them. Even though we knew we were going to get flack for not rescuing a dog. We understood why rescuing dogs was so important but we couldn’t help it we wanted a specific breed we wanted a Shiba Inu X Corgi mix and we wanted one that was less than six months. And we had looked we really had looked at every shelter we had notifications on. But none had come up while we were looking.

It was perfect to the litter was going to be ready to come home two weeks after we got back from Vidcon. We had made our deposit and were luckily first on the list so we would get the first choice of a puppy when they were born. 

 

We didn’t have a preference for male or female we figured we would just know when we went to look.

The day we got to go and view the puppies I was so excited I looked like I had already had four cups of coffee or a whole container of haribos I was bouncing like a kid on Christmas morning. But I couldn’t help it after wanting a dog for the majority of my life I was finally finally going to own one. 

I mean we weren’t going to be able to take it home today. But we were going to pick our puppy and then we would get photos sent to us and have the option to visit until it was old enough to come home.

So it was incredibly excited I had had a live show the evening before and I may have in my excitement. Let it slip that we were going to pick our puppy out today. So all our viewers who had been tweeting us for years to get a dog were now tweeting us that they wanted a picture of the puppy as soon as we picked it out.

One of the main themes was everyone asking us not to call our future puppy Susan. Like we would seriously call our actually puppy Susan, that would be taking it just a step too far.

“I can’t believe after so many years of talking about it we are finally getting a dog,” Dan said we were about five minutes away from our destination it was real.

“Tell me about it I thought this day would never arrive.” It was always a distant dream.

“Probably good we waited till now though could you imagine us with a puppy before this last year?” Dan asked and I laughed at the thought.

“We could barely look after ourselves some days. We definitely weren't ready.” The idea of us getting up early every day to take the dog for a walk would have been the stuff of nightmares. But at least now we had our own yard.

“Not a bit honestly could you have imagined us when we were still living in our first London apartment with a dog.” Dan was laughing too now at the thought.

“We are proper adults now though.” I joked.

“Well, we have managed to look after Clara when she visits so hopefully that has prepared us for a dog,” Dan said.

“Don't most people get a dog before the try looking after a kid?” I teased.

“Yeah, but we only get the kid part time so it was practice for the dog in our case,” Dan answered cheekily.

“We just did it in our own Dan and Phil way,” I said as the cab pulled up to our destination. 

I was pretty sure my hands were shaking as I knocked on the door. 

 

“Hi, are you Dan and Phil.” The lady who opened the door greeted us.

“Yes, are you Lucy,” I answered back.

“I am but I know it’s not me you came to see. Come in come I will show you where we keep our puppies.” Lucy greeted us ushering us inside. “So I already discussed with you guys on the phone and sent you the email about if you decided to adopt one of the puppies when it would be able to go home and the process around that did you have any questions?” Asked Lucy.  
“No you have been very informative we really appreciated the information on when we will have to go and get all the puppies vaccinations and everything.” I had devoured all the research just like I had when I found out Cornelia was pregnant.

“Yeah, Phil has made lists for us so we have everything completely organised.” Dan contributed.

“Hey, you appreciate my lists.” I retorted.

“Sometimes.” Dan teased grinning at me.

“Lists are good now as you can probably hear the puppies are behind this door so warning they may come and jump on you when we head in,” Lucy warned.

“You say that like anyone would have an issue with that.” Joked Dan.

“Some people can find it a tad overwhelming,” Lucy replied opening the door for us.

“OMG OMG OMG DAN LOOK AT THEM.” I shrieked excitedly.

“I am they are fu fricking adorable,” Dan replied bending down and letting the puppies jump up at him. I joined him moving to sit on the ground.

“How are we going to pick just one?” I asked truly baffled.

“I don’t know I was hoping we would just know,” Dan answered sounding just as troubled at the thought of having to select just one. 

“Are you sure we can only get one?” I asked.

“Phil.” Was all Dan had to say   
for me to know where he stood on that topic.

“Okay fine so what should we just play with them and see if there was one we are drawn to,” I suggested. Dan shrugged agreeing with me and it was the best idea we had.

Plus it’s not like it was us going out of our way to do something terrible we both didn’t want to do. It was playing with puppies something we were both more than up to doing. 

There were six puppies and they were all just bouncing around except for one. Which I hadn’t even noticed at first because it had stayed with the mum. But once it saw it’s brothers and sisters playing with us it slowly made it’s way over. It was so cute it feel over on its way to us.

I put my hand out to let it sniff me and see that I wasn’t a threat and it bumped my hand with its nose and seemed happy so I picked it up. Noticing it was a girl as I did.  
“Hello, aren’t you just an absolute precious thing.” Unlike her brothers and sisters, she had more white markings. She licked my face getting over her shyness.

I was so focused on her I didn’t even notice Dan coming over and sitting beside me until I literally felt him lean against me and bring his hand up to pat the puppy.

“Phil is right you are absolutely precious,” Dan said. I turned to look at Dan and he must have felt my gaze because he turned to look at me.

And Lucy must have thought we were such sappy idiots we were sitting on her floor completely pressed against each other staring sappily at each other over a puppy.

“I think we found our puppy,” I told Dan not breaking eye contact.

“I think we have what do you say precious you want to join the Dan and Phil household,” Dan asked patting the puppy again. She yipped and gave Dan a lick.

“I think that is a yes guys,” Lucy said. “Shall we start the paperwork, don’t worry you can still play with her why we do it.”

Honestly, business executives who want people to sign things should just give the person signing a puppy to hold. I hope Dan was reading because I was too distracted. Once it was all official I asked if she minded if we took a picture of the puppy and us and posted it on social media.   
She told us to go ahead she was all ours now she was justlooking after her till she was big enough to come to our house.

Dan, of course, wanted to be the one to take the photo so I help the puppy as he took it.

We had booked a cab to come back and pick us up forty-five minutes after we arrived figuring that would give us plenty of time. But neither of us wanted to leave when the time comes.

“I can see she is going to be going to a very loving home. Don’t worry I will send you weekly pictures and you will have her home before you know it.” Lucy said as she walked us to the door.

Lucy kept her world sending us weekly pictures and before we knew it Dan and I were going to pick up our puppy. Our subscribers and freaked out when we posted the first picture of her they were almost as excited as Dan and I were about us getting a puppy.

I couldn’t believe we were getting to take our puppy home. I was so excited to finally have a dog of my own. I didn't even have her at home yet and I had already bought her a ridiculous amount of toys and posted a ridiculous amount of her on Instagram.  
The only thing I hadn’t posted on Instagram was her name. Dan and I had spent literally days arguing over what we should name her the days following picking her. We spent days just ruling names out but not getting any we both liked until we finally picked her name I suggested Willow and Dan didn’t hate it so after a few hundred names we both didn’t like we settled on Willow. By the end of it, I never wanted to name anything again like how do people name their children, that is even more permanent than a dog.

Dan was the one who wanted to wait to announce her name when we picked her up and I had no desire either way so I had agreed giving Dan what he wanted.

I knew Dan was most excited to get a picture of Clara and Willow together I had no doubt we would be having, even more, photos shoots then usual now that we had a puppy.

I was taking Willow out to the yard to try and get her to do her business a few weeks after we had brought her home when I was hit with a sudden realisation that this is life. I have a career I actually love, I have my own house, I have a dog. Everything young Phil wanted besides a wife and children.

The other thoughts made me happy that last thought conflicted me. Young kid Phil certainly wanted a wife and kids. And while I did still want a child of my own I had Clara in my life and that was enough for now.

And truly what would a wife or even a husband bring to my life. I wasn’t lonely, I didn’t lack having someone to spend time with, I didn’t lack affection in my life, I didn’t lack having a rock having someone I could lean on.

I had Dan.

As soon as that thought entered my head all those thoughts I had been pushing out of my head or thinking I would ponder on later entered my head again.

Why was I so happy to make a life with Dan and not want to look for anyone else? Why was I so happy to be so co-dependant? Why did I not want more?

All those comments people had made over the course of our friendship but especially the last year with our friends and family joined the other thoughts running through my head.

And really there was nothing about my life I would change. Except having a child of my own and seeing as I was being honest with myself I will even finally admit I had over the last little while watching Dan with Clara occasionally thought I would love to see Dan with our child.

Not my child, not Dan’s child, our Child a child of our own.

We could do it to even though Clara only stayed over once a fortnight we had become such a great team we could film videos with her in the house because we worked together we had worked out who did what and how we took turns it really was amazing how well we worked together and I had no doubt that we would work just as well with a child of our own.

While all those thoughts singularly had been easy to brush off and be easily in denial. Together when they were all in the front of my head I couldn’t brush them off I had to admit to myself even though it was scary that I was actually in love with Dan.

Now that I had admitted this to myself what did I do with it. I mean I was happy with my life this what started this self-introspective. So I didn’t need to change anything did I? Or was I just allowing myself to go back into a state of denial even though I had admitted this to myself. 

Before I could continue to just freak myself out further Willow was barking snapping me out of my thoughts.

Taking a note out of Dan’s book I busied myself scripting and filming the next few days. While I tried to sort myself out. In the end, I did end up just deciding nothing needed to change I was happy and why change what made me happy. 

And it was working life was as good as ever. Willow was getting bigger and she was doing good at puppy school surprisingly Dan and I were both actually doing well training her and not just giving her treats for the hell of it.

Unsurprisingly Willow was now Clara’s favourite part of visiting us. I mean it wasn’t like she told us that but you could clearly see it when she visited us she would yell Wiow and make grabby hands for Willow. She would give Dan and I cuddles only after greeting Willow.

She was so gentle and good with Willow though and Willow was also amazing with her. 

At least she had said Unca hil and Unca an before she started saying our dog's name or I would have been more bothered. We were both working on getting her to say our name properly even though we both found it so cute the way she was currently saying them in her little toddler voice.

It was three months later that things changed again. Three months later of a million little domestic moments with Willow and Clara and just ourselves. Three months of our lives making videos and doing live shows and working on new and exciting projects. 

Three months of everything going great. Until my laptop decided to die on me and I couldn’t be bothered to go upstairs and find my charger. Especially when Dan’s was sitting on the coffee table. 

Dan and I used each other's laptops all the time so I thought nothing of opening it up and logging in. It’s not like there was anything on there I wouldn’t know about or expect him to search. 

At least that's what I thought until I saw he hadn’t shut down and his tabs were still open and the tab that was open on the screen was a page about surrogacy. I was so confused Dan hadn’t said anything to me. 

I mean I knew he wanted a child of his own but I had genuinely thought he was happy with Clara and the situation we currently had. Happy with his life like I was with mine. I mean he had wanted to buy the house with me and sure we had agreed to sell it if we both got families of our own. But we then bought a puppy what did he want to do have split custody of Willow.

Or did he not want to move out did he want to be a single Dad. Was he planning on telling me once it was already organised surprise you get to be an Uncle again? And as much as I loved being Clara’s Uncle I don’t know if I could be an Uncle to Dan’s child. Obviously, I would love Dan’s child because it’s Dan’s but I would find it incredibly painful to be it’s Uncle, even more, I think if Dan decided to go it alone then if he fell in love with someone and it happened as a result of that. 

Should I have told Dan three months ago when I realised I wanted more or was it too late even then as it was obviously too late now. I had obviously missed my chance but I didn’t know where to go from here did I want for Dan to tell me or do I admit what I know.

In the end, I decided I had to confront him because this was going to change how I interacted with Dan. He would sense I was off with him and I couldn’t help it I felt hurt and even betrayed. Since when did Dan not talk to me about what was going on in his life. Especially something like this that is going to affect us both even if it won’t be in the way I would like.

I walked through the house finding Dan up in the office where he was editing. I walked in taping on his shoulder to get his attention. Dan took his headphones off and turned around to look at me. 

“Hey, Phil.” Dan greeted.

“Hey, can we talk?” I asked.

“Can it wait a bit I’m almost finished this video?’ Dan asked back.

“I really would rather talk now?” I needed to just find out what Dan’s thoughts were.

“Yeah, we can talk now then, what’s wrong?” He asked getting out of the chair to come and sit down on the couch next to me.   
“My laptop died and I couldn’t be bothered getting my charge so I borrowed yours. Why have you been looking up surrogacy and why didn’t you tell me you were planning on going down that road.” I wasn’t going to beat around the bush here I was getting straight out to the point.

“I’m not looking into it Phil I was just curious and googled it,” Dan answered nonchalantly. Now Dan did stuff like that all the time but I could tell when he was holding things back from me. And he was giving away all the signs now that he was holding things back from me.

“Want to try again? I’m not going to be insulted if you tell me you aren’t happy Dan I just want to know?” I was more insulted that he wasn’t telling me.

“Woah wait why do you think I’m not happy. I’ve never been happier Phil, I have a house a dog, I love my house, I have great friends, I have Clara, I have you. I’m incredibly happy with life.” He was being honest this time. 

“So you're happy then why look into surrogacy?” It wasn’t making any sense to me. 

“It really means nothing Phil believe me. I do want a child but it’s just a dream, it’s not gonna happen at least anytime soon. But I just wanted to see how hard it would be if I did want to consider it in a few years.” Dan was rambling which told me he was telling the truth.

“What do you mean it’s just a dream? Dan, you are still young plus you're male it’s not like there is a time limit on when you can have kids. If you actually spent time looking I had no idea you would be able to find someone to fall in love with and have a child.” Even though It would hurt me I did just want Dan to be happy.

“It might but I doubt it even if I don’t have a child I have Clara and Willow that's enough,” Dan said.

“A niece and a dog aren’t the same as a child of your own.” I pointed out.

“I’m happy now with just that why wouldn’t I still be happy with that in the future?” He was giving me half-truths again.

“Dan…” I prompted.

“Look it doesn’t matter I wouldn't change my life to have a child yes I want one but I’m not willing to give up anything I currently have,” Dan stated.

I was confused by that statement. “ What would you have to give up?” Like obviously you have to make some sacrifices to be a parent but I couldn’t think of anything Dan would have to sacrifice that wouldn’t be worth it. 

“Look you want me, to be honest, the truth is I do want the house the dog, the child the marriage even. But I can’t see myself meeting someone and doing all that with them. When I think of myself with a child in the future it’s raising a child with you.” My heart was beating a thousand miles an hour at Dan’s confession.

“As friends?” I couldn't help but clarify before I get my hopes up, my tone must have given him confidence because he smiled before answering.

“Not if you wanted it to mean more?” There was the slightest hesitation in his voice but a hint of hope as well.

I leant forward pressing my lips against Dans. No half-truths or beating around the bush with words. Just showing Dan where I stood by kissing him. There was a split second where I thought I must have read the whole situation wrong where Dan wasn’t responding before I felt his lips start to move hesitantly against mine. 

The kiss stayed gently and lasted only moments before we both pulled back. “Hi.” I found myself saying.

“Hi yourself,” Dan replied.

“So that just happened.” I was grinning like a fool.

“What happened exactly? I think we may need to repeat it so we can be sure.” Dan suggested and that was a suggestion I was more than happy to go along with. Dan lent in initiating the kiss, it quickly got more heated than last time. 

To heated too quickly even though I really didn’t want to I found myself bringing my hand up to Dan’s chest and pushing him away. “To stop for a second.” 

“Sorry I didn’t mean to push you or make you uncomfortable sorry.” Dan quickly apologised moving further away on the couch.

“This is why we needed to stop and believe me it wasn’t because I was uncomfortable. But we need to talk more we need to be on the same wavelength. Because while normally I would say we always are. In this, it looks like why we both have wanted the same thing we both thought the other didn’t which has lead to miscommunication and confusion. The only way we are going to fix that is to talk about it.”

 

“I was serious I want to marry you I want to have a child with you. You know it’s weird for years you really were just my best friend we clicked so well and you became such an important part of my life so quickly and I was happy with that. People shipping us was always amusing cause I just didn’t see it. We were just best friends the idea of us together was laughable. But looking back at it I think there was a very small part of me that always knew we could be more but was just terrified. So I pushed it way down and was just happy being friends and never thought of it again. Then one day I wake up and we have bought a house and we have a niece and we are planning on buying a dog and it hit’s me. There is no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don’t know when I fell in love with you, it’s probably been happening slowly since the day we met. Some people may say we have wasted the last ten years of our life by not realising sooner. But to be honest we haven’t I have loved every moment with you and really it makes sense that we ended up here.” Dan really had a way with words I would never have been able to make that speech sound like anything but a ramble. 

“I agree completely it wasn’t until we were already here that I realised I wanted nothing to change. We may not have done this in the usual or ‘normal’ way but we did it our way and that is the best way.” When had Dan and I even done anything the normal way anyway?

“Exactly you know we are going to be teased mercilessly about this though.” Dan pointed out.

“Way to ruin the moment Dan.” But he was right everyone was going to be teasing us.

“I can fix it,” Dan said leaning in and kissing me again.

Three Years Later

“Your sure the car seats are both securely in the car?” I asked Dan for the nth time.

“Yes Phil I am sure they are just as secure as they were when we installed them two weeks ago, and yes their room is ready, yes you put their going home outfits in the car, no Mia hasn’t contacted me, Yes I am sure they are just as fine as they were an hour ago,” Dan answered preempting my follow up questions.

“I’m sorry I’m just so nervous.” I had never been this nervous in my life, I was less nervous three days ago when Mia was in labour.

Dan and I had gotten married a year and a half after our fateful conversation in the gaming room. It was one of the most amazing days of my life. I often found myself looking at our wedding photos in the lounge and smiling. Clara had been our flower girl and Dan had taken little convincing to let Willow be our ring bearer luckily she was so well trained. 

We had no best men we had gotten our friends all involved in the wedding in different aspects but Dan and I wanted it to just be us standing at the altar when we got married. 

Of course at the reception, every speech involved how long we had taken to get to this point. 

We had also been applying and going through the process of getting a surrogate while planning the wedding which had taken up a lot of our time. We had gone the route of twins and one would be biologically mine and one would be biological Dan’s not that we would be finding out.

It really didn’t bother us they would both be ours whether they were biologically mine or Dan’s. The only reason we went the route was, in the end, is we both wanted the other to be the donor. In my defence, I still say any child of Dan’s would be incredibly cute.

We had been so excited when we found out that we were expecting boy girl twins. I would have been happy anyway. But the fact that I was getting a daughter and a son really was quite exciting. 

Clara was excited to get little cousins and Cornelia was expecting a boy in three months which was exciting that our twins would grow up so close in age with their cousin. Clara will love bossing them all around. 

But finally after all the waiting and paperwork and more waiting. We were going to pick up Sebastian Isaac Howell-Lester and Anastasia Grace Howell-Lester. We had spent literally months deciding on those names. But we were both loved the names we had picked in the end.

We got to the hospital and Dan picked up Anastasia and I picked up Sebastian and I was happier than I had ever been in my life.

Our family was finally complete.


End file.
